High Holy Days 5784

A Jewish Elder Participating from Home

Now I confess, of all the Jewish holidays, far and away my favorite is Yom Kippur. The music and chanting from centuries of experience reaching deep within one’s soul. Kol Nidre vibrates my very soul within, sung three times, releasing us from on wanted or involuntary vows. The short and longer Vidui or confession, where we confess not as individuals, but as a community. I was looking forward to Kol Nidre this year. I had been asked to write a kavanah or intention leading into HaTefilah or Standing Prayer, in part recited out loud, but then the rest in silence. It precedes the Vidui.

Having just a few years ago conquered a lifetime of stage fright, I was excited to be able to get up there and do my thing. But then life played one of its little tricks. First, I came down with a pesky UTI, just days before the service was to begin. I reached out to my doctor explaining my situation, and while normally I would be asked to come in for labs, she bypassed it and sent in an antibiotic on an emergency basis. So, I figured I could still show for my talk. Well, not so fast. Because I then came down with a nasty upper respiratory infection.

Finally, Saturday, I reached out to Rabbi. I would not be able to be there. Fortunately, there was a volunteer who stepped up and delivered my words beautifully. The Rabbis also offered loving healing prayers which I deeply appreciated. Jazzy, if you happened to read this, thank you ever so much! You were a true lifesaver!

So these High Holy Days were spent at home. I encountered disappointments, but also found blessings along the way. Kind of life though isn’t it. I love my community and life for that matter also this respiratory thing is getting to be a real pain in the butt, truth be told. I’m enclosing the words I wrote below, and on this Yom Kippur, perhaps I should focus on the Malkhut, the Shechinah, that which is real within, where inner peace will lie and where love resides.

A Kavanah for Ha-T’filah

We have, until now been individually absorbed through Elul and Rosh Hashanah, looking within, and making right the wrongs of the past year. Here we come together on Kol Nidre, communally, seeking atonement. In our searches, we made right what could be made right, while knowing our efforts have been imperfect. Here we throw ourselves on Hashem’s mercy as a community, to make right what we could not. We ask for Kapparah, a cleansing of the slate.

Not long ago, I heard a drash by Rebecca Silver of IKAR that resonated deeply with me. She shared that in Kabbalah, Jewish mysticism, each of the Patriarchs were assigned energies, aspects of who they were. Abraham was Cosmic Love, Isaac was Cosmic Scripture, and Jacob was Compassion, where love meets healthy limits. But the Matriarchs? Each in their time, Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, and Leah each possessed the energy of Malkhut, or the Shekinah – The Divine Presence. That which is most real, and present. The aspect of Hashem which is with us on this earth.

Speaking for myself, there are unreconciled wrongs, things which despite my efforts, made reconciliation impossible. I doubt I am the only one here for whom happened. Tonight, before Hashem, I ask forgiveness.

Together, we pray as community, not individually, for atonement for our wrongs. Praying for each other even if we did not do a specific wrong ourselves. I call on each of us to seek the energy of Malkhut, the energy of the Matriarchs, that which is most real within each of us, as we pray our Standing Prayer, Ha-T’filah. It is a time for each of us to ground ourselves in our reality, our truth as we prepare for Vidui, our confessions. Baruch Hashem.