Twenty-three years ago today, a week before our very public wedding as a same sex couple using a narrow technicality created by Texas courts, Robin and I quietly drove to San Antonio. Our attorney was concerned that the religious wrong as I prefer to call them might get one of their judges to issue an injunction. So, we went over and were married in a quiet ceremony to ensure that we would have a license in hand should such unwelcome news arrive. We, therefore, not uncommon in the lgbtqia+ world, celebrate not one, but three anniversaries. First, Thanksgiving Day, 1999, when she moved in. Then September 10th, the date of our very private marriage, and finally September 16, our public ceremony.
Here we are, 23 years later, still married and still very much in love. We have seen in our years together, good times and hard times. The good times are, well, good. But the hard times are weathered together. Let me share something about me right here. All my life, I’ve been given to song. Not that I can sing mind you. But I create my own songs in my head and sing them out loud, and they actually rhyme. Now why Robin did not leave me the moment she started hearing me sing baffles me to this day. But not only through thick and thin, but also my singing, she persevered. Now that means she really must love me!
So the other day, we were both dealing with a lot of pain. In one room she is going “ugh…ugh…ugh.” Meanwhile in the other room, I’m going “ohh…ohh…ohh.” There was a rhythm to it. And so it was that I did what I’m prone to do. Here’s approximately what came out of my mouth. Approximately, because old age memory is not what it once was:
Growing old… Together (singing)
We are… growing old together.
Whatever pain we may weather,
We weather together
Together forever…
Did I mention I’m doing this in her doorway? She looks at me, my painfilled face looking at her painfilled face and we smile, yes, together. I so wish I could take her pain away, and I know she wishes the same for me. But it is our reality. But I thank heavens every day for a love that has endured the test of time. So, for fun, here’s a poem I wrote sometime after our first date as a couple. Enjoy!
FIRST DATE
Her presence enters mine,
My heart opens in ecstatic shudder
For the prayer of your touch,
Your scent, your voice, you!
Wakening reality your eyes meet mine
Gaze broken by self-conscious flutter
Of lids...blinded by blest closeness and hopeless desire.
I long for the words to come, some words come forth.
Muttered in unconscious babble,
For my senses have fled.
Your eyes twinkle,
no doubt in delight of my discomfort.
Your aura absorbs my desire
And I bask in you!
Through my eyes, you have entered my soul,
Possessing me surely as Hecate might
possess one of her toys,
To be cast aside if she should tire.
And your hand takes mine, oh softer hand
Never known, yet powerful,
Leads me to your world
Sights, sounds, senses. Dazed and powerless
You lead me to such longing for your sweet touch.
As I am possessed, aching need
For my heart's captor grows with each moment.
My soul hushes, your breath touches my lips
Your lips seal the deed.
For if this is not love, who needs love?
You smile, no doubt in your new conquest.
And for that smile, my life is now complete.
In this flurry of sights and sounds
Time respects not our need
And you release me.. yet released I am not.
Instead the craving holds my soul ever captive
For soul has mingled with soul
And peace so desired, can only be known
With you... and I wait...
Jessica Wicks copyright June, 1999
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